With the start of a new academic year just around the corner, Zoe Mason shares some tips for balancing the demands of life as a mum, PhD student, partner, and lecturer.

Starting study is a daunting prospect, taking dedication alongside vast amounts of time and energy. For many of us, the challenge is amplified by the responsibilities of parenthood, and maintaining relationships whilst taking care of our health and wellbeing. As a PhD student with two children and soon to be returning to a full-time role as a lecturer at UoC, I have been navigating this complex domain and have found methods to support a good balance. Here is a glimpse into my experiences and some resources that have helped me along the way.

Setting priorities and managing time

Time management, as you can guess, is vital with juggling a mixture of responsibilities. Firstly, it is important to clearly define what the responsibilities are, and really understand which responsibilities take priority at specific times of day, week and even year. As caregiver to my children, my family come first. However, I also understand the importance of my PhD in regard to my career, as well as the value of self-care and maintaining healthy relationships with those close to me. To balance these aspects, I have a few tricks that help.

A structured schedule: This is particularly important whilst I am on maternity leave, as I currently have no pre-determined schedule (such as work times or child care drop off times). Creating a weekly schedule that includes dedicated times for studying, family, exercise and quality time with my husband is essential to keeping me on track. I start with a basic plan using Google calendar and begin to “fill the gaps” to find those perfect moments to sit down and dedicate myself to a certain aspect of my life.

Effective Delegation: Learning to ask for help and to accept it is something that does not come naturally, as I am a “hands on” type of person. Whether it’s asking my parents to have the children for a few hours whilst I write up my PhD assignment, or involving my husband in household chores to give me more time to stay focused on my PhD work, I have found that sharing responsibilities where I can “lighten the load” also gives me a sense of feeling supported by those around me.

Realistic Goal Setting: Each day I set three goals: one for family (or home), one for study and one for self-care. This way, I am prevented from feeling overwhelmed. I can also use these smaller tasks to break down ones that seem outfacing. For example, completing one section of an assignment (such as the introduction or a paragraph of an essay). This ensures that I have steady progress and avoids the possibility of burnout.

Fostering a supportive environment

Support from family, friends and academic community is essential to motivate and inspire us in our studies. Here’s how I have built a supportive environment around me:

Open communication: Regular “catch ups” with my husband about each other’s needs, schedules and stressors have created a strong partnership built of trust and reliability. We have developed a system where we can help each other to reach our goals, by being able to understand each other’s need for support or guidance at specific times in our careers and lives.

Leveraging academic resources: At UoC, we have a fantastic student support service that can guide you through any obstacles faced during your time as a student. It’s important to tap into these services, alongside the mental health and wellbeing team, library services and many other support services. If you are not sure who to ask, use the Student Enquiry Point (look for the tile on the Student Hub). Student services staff want to be able to help and it is often a relief to receive guidance when you are feeling lost in your studies.

Building a network: Connecting with other students, especially those who are parents, has provided me with not only emotional support, but practical advice. Try to find students on your course who are in the same circumstances as you; it’s amazing how much you learn from your peers! Sharing experiences with each other also makes the journey less isolating.

Maintaining Health and Wellbeing

Balancing a PhD and parenthood has meant that health and wellbeing have taken less priority in my life at times. However, living with a long-term condition means that I need to make more time for self-care. Neglecting this aspect can also result in feelings of demotivation and being overwhelmed. Here’s how I prioritise my health.

Regular exercise: Ensuring that physical activity is a regular part of my routine gives me chance to focus on my health. If I have a busy schedule, I “tone down” the type or level of exercise, but still ensure that its present in my plans. I find that it massively helps my mental health at the end of a busy day studying or caring for the children.

Healthy Eating: Planning and preparing nutritious meals ahead of time ensures that my family have a balanced diet despite our busy schedules. This is something I find challenging and can easily let slip if I am not focused (it’s so easy nowadays to just pick up the phone for a takeaway!). However, choosing a day to meal prep can save a lot of time and  money.

Mindfulness and Relaxation: Practices like mindfulness and breathing exercises, alongside regular short breaks in my day, provide opportunity to manage my stress and regroup on particularly stressful days. Putting these into your calendar is a great way to feel in control and avoid being overwhelmed.

Quality Sleep: This might sound laughable coming from the parent of a small baby: but ensuring that I get enough sleep is essential to make my work the best it can be. Whilst it can be challenging with young children, having clear bedtime routines for not only the kids, but myself too, has improved my sleep quality significantly.

Nurturing your relationships

Amidst the chaos of studying and raising children, it is important to stay connected to your partner, extended family and friends. Here are some ways I have kept my relationships strong.

Regular “Catch Ups”: Scheduling date nights with my husband, or walks with my friends, helps to maintain connection with those most important to me. This quality time allows me to feel “in the loop” with everyone and not as though my studying is getting in the way.

Small gestures: Little acts of kindness, like sending a text of appreciation to my friends or making my husband a drink without him asking, go a long way in keeping bonds strong and showing you’re willing to put the effort in.

Joint activities: Engaging in things that both my husband and I enjoy, such as cooking a meal together or watching a documentary on something that interests us both, provides quality times that hasn’t had to be “squeezed into” my schedule. This allows for our connection to stay strong in a natural way.

Final thoughts

Balancing a PhD, parenthood, personal wellbeing and relationships is undeniably the hardest thing that I have ever done. However, working hard to achieve all of this is incredibly rewarding. The key lies in the prioritisation of time management, keeping connections, and nurturing self-care and development. Whilst this journey places a great demand on me, it’s provided a unique opportunity to grow, learn and achieve a balance between personal and academic life.

Remember, not every day goes exactly as planned. Celebrate the small victories and be kind to yourself and your supportive network along the way. Ask for help and take breaks when you need to, and communicate to those who are there to help you. Balancing these aspects of life is a continuous process, and with patience and perseverance, it is exciting to see how it all unfolds.

Images sourced from https://pixabay.com/