University can be an exciting time; meeting new connections and forming new relationships, but it can also bring along its own challenges. It is normal for disagreements to arise between friends, family, house mates, course mates or even colleagues. At times, disagreements can actually strengthen our relationships when they are worked through effectively. Developing your conflict resolution skills and being able to manage confrontations can be helpful in navigating through relationship challenges in a respectful, healthy, and constructive way.
So, let’s talk conflicts! Whether it’s an ongoing issue over housework or a new disagreement in a group project, here are some tips to help!
Pause, take a break!
If an argument is getting heated, pause. Take a break and clear your head. If someone else needs a break, don’t follow them, give them some space. Reacting on emotions can exacerbate the situation. When you are all calmer, it is much easier to respond. Responses are more effective than reactions.
Compassion
Remember we are all human. Have compassion for yourself and others, if you or others have reacted, apologise or be ready to accept one.
Active Listening
Active listening is not just about hearing someone, it’s about really understanding what’s being said, which requires your full attention, so be present. Ask for clarification and use open ended questions. Be patient and don’t interrupt.
Empathy
Everyone is different, so being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes can help you understand their perspective or experience. They may be having a bad day, struggling emotionally or just have a different way of doing things.
It’s the problem, not the person!
When addressing an issue, remember it’s about the problem and not the person. Making the problem about the person can lead to the other feeling criticised and they will feel the need to defend themselves, which will distract you both from the issue itself. Rather than using words like ‘you’, change these to, when x y z happens, I feel…
“You are lazy and never clean up after yourself”
“When all the cleaning is left, I feel it’s all on me to sort.”
… See the difference?
When addressing an issue, also offer some possible solutions.
“Maybe we could agree on a rota? Or clean as we go?”
Compromise
Is there some middle ground you can all agree on? Compromising is about negotiation and trying to find a solution to the problem that works out for everyone. It isn’t about giving in to one person’s demands. Having actively listened, you should all have a better understanding of each person’s perspective which will help you work together to problem solve.
Follow up
Check in with each other, see how the solution is going. It may need to be reviewed and changed or it may be working great! It’s all about having clear and open communication with each other.
The Accommodation Team are running events across campuses all week, starting Monday 10th February as part of the Swipe Right on Respect campaign.
Locations:
Ambleside: The Barn
Lancaster: The Library
Fusehill: The Learning Gateway
Activities at the Event:
- Sticky Note Wall: Reflect and share your thoughts on healthy and unhealthy relationships by adding your thoughts to interactive boards.
- Resource Sharing: We’ll provide handouts or quick guides on fostering communication, trust, and boundaries in relationships.
We hope to see you there!